Watered Sanctuary
Under the tent i stand anxious in-place.
Staring into the blue with goggles on,
Stuck in time by the water's complex grace.
My heart racing with all other thoughts gone,
Other than a wall and distance ahead.
Muscles are loose from the warm-up before,
Snapped into time from what officials said:
Adrenaline pumps through my body's core,
I stepped up to the blocks and took my mark
Hanging over the edge of the pool's reach,
Unable to see those in the pitch dark
Wishing that i was playing at the beach.
The pool is my sanctuary, my place,
Knowing I am about to win this race.
8 comments:
I like the imagery you used. I can sense the tension as the swimmer's wait for the starting beep. There are some parts that conflict with each other. If you say you wish you were at the beach instead of the swimmeet, then it follows that you might not be all pumped up to win the race, unless the change was placed there to show a change of attitude. I still think the seventh line has confusing language. When read as prose, it seems as if the official told you that adrenaline was pumping through his or her core. All the lines rhymed perfectly and there is a consistent number of syllables. The last line hints of a successful race and is a good way to end the poem.
Jerrold-
I liked your sonnet, it was good, but there were a few details that would help it improve. First, I think that lines 5 and 7 need to flow better with the rest of the poem. Also, in line 11 it says that people were in the pitch black - was it dark - I haven't heard of many swim meets outdoors at night. Also, in the end you say that you would rather be at the beach, but in the next line, you contradict yourself and say that the pool is your sanctuary. Lastly, in lines 1 and 12 you didn't capitolize the letter 'I.'
-Kathrin
I enjoyed reading your sonnet and liked the topic that you chose. However, the part about the beach is confusing, as someone already mentioned in class. Other than that, great job!
nice job. i could tell that it was a swimming race and you told it in a very detailed way. you are confident that you'll win which the sonnet told me. nice job.
god the swim team was so boring but this is a cool sonnet jay-rold nuts ya the whole rush of a race is pretty cool i like the descriptive stuff
good sonnet jerrold. I can realy feel the emotiions and thrill of swimming. it feels like i was you on the starting block!
Jerrold-
I love the feeling of tension during your poem and I like how it just keeps on building throughout your poem. But the line about how you want to be at the beach sort of deflates the balled up tension in your poem. Other than that great job your sonnet ended beautifully
this poem was a good description of how you feel before the race. it seems like I am right there next to and I can tell exactly what your feeling. nice job
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